The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just wanna soil my oats bro
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
