; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
