Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize
