He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
