Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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