He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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