Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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