her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish i was in the wii world.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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