You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
