I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize