i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize