Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
