vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
