I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
