Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
