Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
