I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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