fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
