My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I would ride that face into the sunset
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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