the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
