Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
