if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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