What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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