I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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