I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
