his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize