is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
