Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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