all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
