ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sext me about skeletons
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
