she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will be naked everywhere
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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