hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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