not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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