You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
