Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
