I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Randomize
