Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
