I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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