The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
