my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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