No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just had sex bonerless
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
