I wish life had little blips of pornography
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
