i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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