just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize