he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
