imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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