When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
