Cold hands, warm shart.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
