I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
