guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
