the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
