Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dick very happy bro
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My vagina just clenched in fear
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
