the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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