i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
