Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Barsexuality is the new black.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
