So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
