I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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