Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
