i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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