her vagine was all disorganized.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
