My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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