In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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